(Written 9-20-14)
Watching a show called ‘Hoarders’… makes me begin to wonder
– am I a hoarder? This woman, named
Carol, has boxes and bags full of paperwork that she can’t let go of – my
stacks aren’t as deep; and they are mostly for purposes of my writing (for the
day I have nothing else that has to be done and I can focus on all the books I
have planned). I figure I’ll sit down
and go through my piles of papers, notebooks, calendars and random pages that I
have scribbled down notes on and it will remind me of all the books I have set
in my mind to write one day. So there
is a method to my madness. Anything
that I am going to need in the future, either for writing, or so I don’t get
audited or that is proof of something; my income, social security, food stamps,
Medicaid… and special events, like my leg being amputated by my horse (story
for another day) or the birth of a child – and, of course, scrapbook stuff; I
have files and files full of scrapbook stuff for the kids and myself. Is that hoarding?? Memories I don’t want to let go of. Not that I would ever completely forget, but with so much to
remember, it is hard to pull it all back out of the brain without something to
trigger the recall. When I go through
my file cabinets, it brings back so much of my lifetime… and I love
remembering. It would be devastating to
me to have that stuff disappear. Carol
has a lot of paperwork from lawsuits she has been in; I, myself, have three sets
of divorce papers, and paperwork deriving from that, including the adoption of
my oldest son by my second husband.
Now, my son is thirty-one years old. I suppose I could probably let go of these
papers. But why? What are they hurting? They are in my file cabinet, a pretty wooden
file cabinet that stands about three feet high and sits in a tiny spot in my
living room. The huge cherry wood
corner desk my mom gave me years ago takes up most the space in there, but I’m
not about to get rid of that. It is a
gorgeous piece of furniture, high-class, and I will use it when that day comes
that I can spend days on end working on my writing in an office of my own. However, next to that, are bookcases and an
entertainment center my third husband and I built – heavy and strong – except
that it’s now falling apart a little bit, leaning to one side and pulling on
the seams of the shelves because it’s been moved around so much, since I can’t
seem to stay in one place for more than a few years at a time. If life would ever stop pushing me here and there,
I’d be relieved… anyway, all the shelves are packed with clothing that I don’t
really want to just get rid of. Things
I do like to wear once in a while, but just don’t have a lot of opportunity to
because they are really more for going out places; and I don’t go out to a lot
of places often at all. Just don’t
particularly enjoy being amongst a lot of hubbub and noise, and people in
general.
Outside, we have a lot of stuff… my old Suburban, not
running, that I hope to fix up some day and stacks of wood and wooden pallets
for use for fencing or whatever. We
have yard tools and construction tools, my horse trailer, etc. It looks like a lot of junk, but it all has
a purpose and we do our best to keep it all organized for the most part.
Ok, so maybe I am a hoarder… I also have stacks and stacks
and a few boxes and bags of material.
Yes, just material. Because I
also hope to have time one day, when I don’t feel like working on my books, to
do some sewing projects; cane covers, for one thing, that I could probably sell
like crazy (if I can ever get them made), and doll bedding and clothing for
dolls – or dogs – and purses and pillows. I don’t know. There are so many things that I have thought
of that I would like to create someday… some day. And in the meantime, the material stacks up; I have quite a bit
in my laundry room and one small cabinet in here that is full of nothing but
scrap material and old clothes whose material I like, in particular, and might
find another use for (a purse or throw pillow, for example). My mind’s reasoning is that I could sell
those things one day, and make money, so to me, it’s like an investment – but
I’m sure others just see it as clutter.
In my bedroom closet right now I see several nice jackets that I may
never wear again; but then, I may, if I ever go back to work in a business
office or have to go to court for some reason.
And there is also several items of clothing that belonged to my sister,
who died almost twenty years ago now; I just like looking at them. I rarely ever put them on because they are fancy
dresses, and some are costumes for Halloween (an extremely detailed Snow White
dress, a poodle skirt, and a ‘flappers’ dress from the 50’s)… but they were
hers, crafted by her hands and they mean a lot to me. So I would never consider them to be clutter.
I do have a lot of clothes, even of the ones that I wear all
the time, I have more than I NEED… but I like them all, so I cycle through
them. The shelves in the back of my
closet hold about half of my stuff sometimes I switch things out; and then, of
course, there’s the Winter clothing which is stored away while my Summer items
are up front and visa versa. I like to
think I have a pretty good system going there.
Is that hoarding?
I’m not sure how to look at this. Ok, my house is not as bad as Carol’s; she has a skinny pathway
leading through her living room because of the boxes that are stacked on boxes
to the ceiling on each side, packed tightly from the walkway to the wall. I have a pretty skinny pathway leading
through my living room, but it’s because of the desk I mentioned above and my
full-harp piano (which is antique and VERY valuable) and my bookcases and
entertainment center and the couches, which we just really don’t have enough
room for. I know it’s funny to say that
we just don’t have enough room for a couch, but at this moment in time, it is
true. And all the other items are more
important to me than a couch.
One day, I will have a place for everything. One day, I will be more organized; I love
being organized… and I think I do pretty well, considering. Alright, I wish I had a better system for
the papers I currently have to be dealing with – the bills that have to be paid
every month, which I feel like I need to have staring me in the face until they
are paid; and the letters from social security reminding me of an upcoming
appointment, or letters that I need to respond to (which is a whole ‘nother
story)… and my notebook, of course, which I have to keep near me for taking
down thoughts, or notes of things I have to do. I’m the world’s best
procrastinator, although I know I need to take care of these things; so they
sit by my lap desk on my bed, and get scattered about and I’m constantly
re-stacking them, until I can file them or throw them away. Haven’t yet thought of a better way because
if they aren’t right here in front of me, I will forget to take care of the
issue.
